when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize