Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
