Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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