1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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