So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
