He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
why is half of my head shaved?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
