Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
