He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
