im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
