I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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