He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
operation have a gay friend backfired
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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