Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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