I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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