It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
