Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
