loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
