ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
