dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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