By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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