Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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