I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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