Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
