Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
