I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
