what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
