from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
