Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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