I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize