this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
