He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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