i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
