Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
what day is it and did you see me today?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
