Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm at about main and main street
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
