Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
