you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
two words...techno handjob
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize