So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
