Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
