you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
