Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
