think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
