am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
