The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
