i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize