You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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