I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
