I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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