I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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