what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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