Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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