Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
