I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
