I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
