If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
