hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
