at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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