My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
