it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
