I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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