Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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