I got chris browned last night
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
