Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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