My room smells like vodka and shame
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My vagina is officially offended.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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