you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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