I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Dignity is for republicans.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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