the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
