At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
