i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
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