walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
