I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
