That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
