So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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