At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize