some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
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