she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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