better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
