New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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