Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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