around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
