he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
