I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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