Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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