Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
