His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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