I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My ass is underappreciated
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
