My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
