Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
