They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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