We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
