so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
