I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
