theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
