there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
