I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
