Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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