Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
