i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
