In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
