i jhust puked up my retainher.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
