Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
