Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
