I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize