Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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