For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm getting married
To pizza
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
