I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
