i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
