Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
