Have you finally orgasmed yet?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
