Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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