she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
