I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
