is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
