I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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