i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
