its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Also, beer. Big fan.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
