I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
