Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
