I feel great
I just peed on a car
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
