Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
