went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
