If i come over, it means nothing
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize