I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
