i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
