No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
