so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
