Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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