"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
