I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
